if i die tonight..

            Time seems to be scarce when you got less than 12 hours to leave a place permanently. A mixture of feelings has been filling up my body through every single blood vessel these few days. I cannot define if this is sadness or fear of the uncertainties or the mere stress from having to settle everything in the very last minute. I know more than anyone that my fight here is going to end very soon, but I guess I was in denial of it.

            I had never once imagined being a part of a place outside my comfort zone and its vicinity. My coming here was so sudden, I almost forgot to breath. ‘By chance’, at first I thought.  I remember writing on a two-piece paper the reason of why I decided to accept Adelaide, just to remind myself in case I forgot (lame, I know but in my defence, blog is a word foreign to anyone at the time). I wrote about wanting to do something different in my life, wanting to have a story to tell, and above all, I wanted to go for the sake of Allah’s ilm. It was a hard decision. But by God, 3 years, 5+ months and not a single regret, man.

            For the uninitiated, South Australia is the ‘City of Church’ and pride itself for its local wine making. But irony has it, that this is the place I learned about Islam and learned to love my God. Looking up, from Down-under, my perspective changed, my views broadened, my spirit toughened. If it’s not so obvious, I  have changed. I used to be avoidant of changes and maybe still am. But I thank Allah for everything that changed me and I couldn’t ask for anything more than this.

            It has not been an easy ride despite all the laughs and the hoorays. The AFL addicts’ ground had witnessed my rise and fall, my fear, my insecurities. And I couldn’t have done it without the support of humans called friends, alhamdulillah. Mates, older and younger, from different backgrounds, different personalities, gathered as one. One team, one faith, one heart. It was never a game of survival, it was the joy and responsibility of holding each other’s hands and swim against the current. Dear Adelaideans, if any of you should read this, do know that I am honoured to have shared my time with all of you.  I take pride just to be standing in the midst of your hectic lives. May Allah reward you with every possible rahmat and for those who stays, fighto-oh!.

            Some might say, from my writings, that I have at times ‘mengagung-agungkan’ the church-goers’ land. Yes, I’ve seen their merits, but I have also seen their rotten sides. Far from mengagungkan, I just want my country to have the good virtues too. I don’t want to feel insecure walking in my neighbourhood, I don’t want to be almost condescendingly disgusted by the mat rempits disturbing walking ladies, I don’t want to hear democracy slogans when all I see is autocracy, I refuse to mingle with the word Hadhari when rasuah and riba spread like diseases. We need Malaysia to be a better place, people. And I have come to the realization that the real fight for me is yet to begin. My voice here, is heard. My effort here, counts. Adelaide, as challenging as it sounds, is only an imaginary world, the comfort zone.

            They say for every beginning, there will be an end. I have learned so much from here, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I crawled, I jogged, I ran around this place to get to the destination. From Rose Park to Manik to Abrar, it was all worth to be proud of. From Bradford to 1^st year to second and third, gave me the sense of self-respect anyone should ever need. With MISSA, for the small, negligible help, I am honoured to be given the chance and space to give. Without a doubt, I will miss this place. Will be missing Adelaide Uni, Rundle, city, the houses in east and west, and all the places we’ve been to. Even after all this, I still may not be a better person and nauzubillah, I might change to a worse one after this. I can only pray to Allah so that we could all be better persons in the future. And for all this ya Allah, alhamdulillah. All is due to You.